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The echoes of nothingness.....

Apr. 4th, 2006 | 11:47 am
mood: coldlost

A bad taste, the taste of fear
Lingers in my mouth like
the taste of pickles and jam
(On ice cream or something--
Something that might have
Once been something very good--
But, now.. oh, now.. it isn't anymore.)
As the hungry vultures circle above
Myself and my paltry snack of fear,
I know that I will die, alone... alone..
With nothing but pickles and jam.

It's been weeks, I think... maybe months. I think I remember a shower, maybe a bad haircut? Oh, I don't know.... ;____; I barely remember my name now... Oh.... (I think it started with J... Yes, J...) Everything seems familiar, but.. oh... I have nothing in my stomach but fear and a few prunes, and... oh.... I'm so lost. ::shivers::

Where was I?

I... I need... oh... oh, god........ I need a cigarette....

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Oh... well...

Feb. 8th, 2006 | 02:12 am
mood: discontentdiscontent

Um.. I guess I was just wondering if someone could help me cut my hair... it looks terribly uneven... I tried to do it myself, and.. yeah... um... I look like a crooked triangle. T___T

::sighs heavily:: If anybody even remembers that I'm alive...

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The pulp of my heart. ;___;

Jan. 30th, 2006 | 11:49 pm
mood: scaredscared

I... oh my... I think I need a shower... I-I'm sorry if anybody comes too close to me, but... oh.... I think I've been sleeping in a box, and... and... it's wet. Oh... my hair looks worse than ever... I think it's overgrown. T___T ::runs his fingers through it for much longer than he's used to:: ;____;

Wh-where have I been? I don't remember anything before this morning all that well, and... and... wait, I think it was a cigarette box, but it's gone now, except a little bit. I... I wrote a poem on it....

The cold hard cement
A cushion of paper pulp, maybe?
Like the pulp of my heart.....
Damp and sad and distorting in the rain
.......... oh.................

....help? ;_____; ...although I know I don't deserve any, but.... ;___;....

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Orange gloom.

Oct. 9th, 2005 | 09:53 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

I seem to have missed Alfons' party today.. oh. I bet I missed something great, but I guess if I had been there that it wouldn't have been as much fun as it probably was without me.... oh... I really don't like the fall, it reminds me of my childhood. ::shudders:: I.. don't like thinking about that.

At least its cool enough to wear my scarf when I go outside.. even though I'm still not completley sure who it's from... ;__;

I've been feeling a little better about some things the last few days, at least. It's probably for the best that she left... all I can bring to someone's life is sadness, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone... I'm probably meant to die alone.

Like an orange in a tangerine tree
I am alone among those together
Like a nest of birds, small, in a storm
Only I can find my way home
On tattered wings

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The last dies.

Oct. 6th, 2005 | 01:26 am
mood: coldcold

I've been feeling a little sick the last few days.. It's.. oh.. my head hurts. I need some more cigarettes, I think. I haven't even tried to write much poetry lately, and.. I still haven't heard from Lust.

She definitely left..

I don't know what to think, still.. I think I'll be fine, I just still feel a little empty inside... ;___; Hughes, if you still wanted to go look at plants.. I... oh.. I'm sorry I didn't come by, I feel like I'm in the way, and.. I really haven't felt like leaving...

It seems that the colonel is back. I don't know what else to say about that. It's a good thing...? I.. I don't know... I was a little worried..

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Hollow walls.

Sep. 20th, 2005 | 03:38 pm
mood: coldcold

I'd been t-trying.. to be postive and.. I was.. oh.. I don't know what to say. I'm just such a loser, really.. she's gone, and it's probably all my fault. I'm so hopeless.... She probably never even liked me in the first place..

I hate being so alone...

Like ice that will not melt
I sit alone in the sand, cold
And everything around me is warm
Or maybe even hot

While I am not.

Even my poems are worse than usual... I can't do it! I can't do anything.. I'm so worthless...

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Sep. 12th, 2005 | 01:05 am
mood: coldcold

I... oh.. I'm so.. bored and lonely today. ;____; I really don't know what to do with myself.. None of my poems have come out at all, and it makes me feel terrible and more worthless than usual when the one thing I can do to express my feelings comes out as much of a total and utter failure as I feel that I am myself... oh, I'm not even making any sense here. I can't.. I can't do anything... nobody even seems to want to talk to me anymore...

I haven't heard from my secret admirer in days, and... oh, they must have forgotten about me, too.. it's probably so easy to do.. I'm suprised that I haven't forgotten about me.. if that were possible.. I haven't been sleeping very well.. odd dreams.. ::shudders:: I wonder if they were angry about the heart..

Lust, I'm sorry I haven't been around.. and I know I told you I'd write you a poem, but... oh, I just don't have it in me.. I-I'm.. I'm sorry... ;___;

::wraps his scarf around himself and stares out the window::

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Sep. 4th, 2005 | 04:07 pm
mood: melancholymelancholy

Oh... my head.. ::squints:: I feel.. awful.... and, really.. a little.. upset........

I know I'm annoying, and I know I'm worthless, and.. I know.... that I probably deserved it, but.. why did I get left by myself last night.. among other things? ;__; It.. it wasn't even my idea to go out, and... and... oh.. I don't know.. I'm probably being stupid.. I really hate myself sometimes... ::holds his head::

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Aug. 28th, 2005 | 12:13 am
mood: calmcalm

::smiles dumbly::

Oh, Riza... um.. I threw away the heart.

::scribbles some poetry into his notebook, still smiling a little::

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Their heart?

Aug. 19th, 2005 | 11:30 am
mood: embarrassedcreeped out

Oh.. my... oh my.. Even though I thought he had forgotten about me, I.. I got another package.. ::twitch:: from my.. oh.. ;__; from my secret admirer....

This time, the note says:

My heart beats not for this world of misery. To prove that my love is
genuine, I give you my heart.

~ Your Secret Admirer

....and... ::shiver:: oh.. inside the box is.. it's.. oh.. it's an actual heart.. o.O I.... I... oh... I don't know what to think of it........ it.. it is supposed to be a nice gesture, right? I mean.. the note sounds genuine enough, but.. oh, nobody would actually like me.. I'm so confused.. ::bites his thumb absently:: I don't...... who would do something like that? ;___; Where did it come from?? Oh my... if it's actually theirs, then.. oh, that would mean that... ::pales:: Oh.. my.. I can't think straight..

Um.. I didn't really know what to do with it, so I put it in the fridge.. I hope you don't mind, other me. It's next to the milk in it's box.

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